The gifts, the constant attention, the declarations of soulmate status after just a few weeks — it can feel like finally finding the right person. But Makati Medical Center psychiatrist Carmina Charmaine G. Bernardo, MD, says that pattern deserves a second look.
“Love bombing involves showering a potential love interest with presents, romantic gestures, flattering words, and undivided attention,” Dr. Bernardo explains. The goal, however, isn’t genuine connection — it’s control. By creating intense emotional attachment early, the love bomber gains the upper hand in the relationship.
The behavior often stems from deep insecurity and narcissism, sometimes rooted in past trauma. And once the initial rush fades, the dynamic tends to shift. A love bomber may suddenly withdraw affection, induce guilt over time spent apart, or gaslight their partner into questioning their own perceptions. In more serious cases, the cycle escalates to emotional or physical abuse, followed by remorse and promises to change — only to repeat.
How to tell the difference
Dr. Bernardo acknowledges that most people put their best foot forward early in a relationship. The distinction lies in how things feel over time. “Being in a good relationship feels light yet secure, happy, trusting, and respectful,” she says. “Listen to your gut.”
She offers four practical ways to stay grounded while dating:
Maintain your relationships. Don’t let a new romance crowd out family and friends. Keep showing up for the people who were there before.
Keep your own interests. Try your partner’s hobbies if you like, but hold on to your own. Independence in small things matters.
Speak up. A partner who values you will respect your boundaries. If things feel like they’re moving too fast, say so.
Stay whole. “When you accept and are at peace with yourself, thrive in a fulfilling career, enjoy the support of family and friends, and have personal goals to look forward to, a loving partner is icing on the cake,” Dr. Bernardo says.
For more information, contact MakatiMed On-Call at +632.88888.999, email [email protected], or visit makatimed.net.ph.
